Cut out the cruft, and streamline. Look to the goals I have set.

I need to restructure my life, to concentrate on my goals and dreams. I need to work on cutting out all the cruft and create a better faster more streamlined me.

Ezra 2.0

There isn’t enough time in one human life to do even half the things I want to do, so I have to throw out the old and choose carefully the direction I want to go. There is no room for mediocrity.

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Focus. Focus. Focus.

Focus.
Focus.
Focus.

After work, I went to a small trivia night gathering in town, and tried to talk and be a part of other people again. I tried to fit in, and to belong…

I realize just how much of my life I have missed. I work all the time, there is almost nothing else. I am a slave.
There is nothing outside of work and obligations for me, I am tied down to a job that takes so much time, and I don’t get out and do anything on the weekends either. I am a slave of my own making. I can’t blame anyone else. It is me.

I used to be a part of life, I played a part, I was involved in things that were bigger than I was. Sure I had my own little cliques, but I didn’t feel awkward around my peers, and I had things to connect me to other people.
I feel like I have lost some of that, I don’t really know where it went, but the last 5 or 10 years have not been good for my inner being, I have turned inwards and lost sight of my real purpose.
I delve deeply into my interests and find new passions, but these are nothing more than distractions, they are an escape from reality.

Where did I go off the rails and lose the energetic passionate entrepreneur that I was? I used to see opportunity where now I only see darkness, I used to pounce on an idea and take it as far as possible, now I hardly bother to make a move, I am convinced that it is hopeless.
Has this town finally killed my drive and positive attitude? Or is it something else?

I don’t see a way out anymore, I don’t see a future where I reach the goals I have always wanted. I only see perpetual mediocrity.

Focus.
Focus.
Focus.

Crossroads

I stand here at the crossroads.

Before me are a myriad of roads leading off in all directions, but there is no way to choose more than one. I must take my pick, and then stick with that decision for good or ill. I hate having to choose when it means that I limit my options from that point forward, I don’t like to be bound to an idea without escape, to be trapped into a narrow path.

There is no way to continue like this, a decision must be made. Whatever path I choose will dictate the rest of the choices I make from here on out.

Do I take the gamble and wager it all? Or play it safe and risk very little?

Time time time

Eventually the things you own begin to own you.

I have far too many things in my life. I have too many obligations, too many items that require maintenance, too many expenses, too many dreams, ideas, and plans. All these things pile up and take away the one precious resource that I do not have an excess of: time.

Time slips away at a rapid rate and there is nothing in this world that can stop its inexorable tic-tock into oblivion. I am over 30 now and feel like I am on the top of the bell-curve of life, and rapidly reaching the drop-off point. I have this obsession with clearing away the dross and opening up a pathway towards a clean zen-like existence. I want to maximize the good parts of my life and minimize the machine-like drudgery in my day-to-day existence.

Today I went on a day-hike on the Morrison Run Trail, here in the Allegheny National Forest, and it was truly glorious to get out and spend time in the woods. That is what I want to do more of. I want to spend more time experiencing life, not spending my days scrabbling around trying to fix and repair the meaningless material things.

I spend most of my days doing just that. Fixing this or that, or just keeping my head down and trying to get through. I am better than that, and want to keep my head about the proverbial waters, and keep heading towards a better existence.

-Ezra Hilyer